It’s 1:53 in the morning here and I just want to say I haven’t abandoned this blog just yet.
I’ve been exploring a lot of other things life has to offer so I haven’t been able to write stuff down here. Sure, I’ve opened a few notepads here and there, but as they are right now, there’s no way anyone can make sense of them. And besides, a lot of the stuff I think about probably won’t interest most of the people who stumble through this blog anyway.
Like I said, I’m out doing things, and everyday I feel like 24 hours isn’t enough and 8 hours is too much to ask for. Don’t worry, spherical bear, I’ll be back here when I lose momentum.
Although so far, I’m definitely fine as is.
It’s been months since my last post, no big deal.
No big deal. It’s no big deal. Not at all. No big deal. Okay. Now, let’s get it on.
I are serious cat. This is serious blog post.
This is a post about the stuff that has been going in and out of my head over the past few months. Even more so this month, since I didn’t have much to do early to mid April so all I did was lie around. That gave way to a lot of peace and quiet for me, several nice dreams, and the perfect chance for a buttload of thoughts I didn’t even want to crowd my head. I’ve been thinking about this first one for years already, so I’ll just share my thoughts.
Why do we go to school? What motivates us?
It’s pretty rare to find someone who knows how to answer this question right off the bat, but given the time to think, our common answers would probably be:
- My parents told me to study in school, so I did. Also, I didn’t want to get in trouble with them, if I opted not to go to school. My parents know what’s best for me after all.
- I want to have a future for myself. If I knew all these complex things, I can get in a stable job with a high paying salary. I can support my family and know that I won’t die alone on the streets.
- I have fun in school. I like the fact that I’m learning new things every day and/or I want to be with my friends.
- Hey man, everyone does it, so I didn’t question myself at all as to why I go to school. I mean, it’s something we have to go through in life.
- I don’t know, and I don’t really care that much. I’m here already so I guess I’ll just go to school.
The answer I have for this question actually jumped from reason to reason as my drive and motivation changed repeatedly over time. Recently though, and as I write this post, my answer can not be found in the list above. Simply because I lost my motivation to study, if there actually was any to begin with.
Maybe what I thought was my main source of motivation was actually just a facade made by my head to justify this whole going to school everyday for hours and hours thing. I mean, I’m pretty sure you’ve told yourself at some point how absurdly useless some of the things we learn in school are.
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but look at what is prioritized in evaluating grades and allotting time to classes. At almost all the schools in the country, math is given the highest cut of the final grades most of the time, with all the science-y stuff following it. Classes that teach us about history and art and literature and music and dance and sports, they’re all secondary, unimportant even. Are all people made for this? Are we all supposed to be dreaming of becoming scientists and engineers one day? What system is this for the creative?
My point is that the whole educational system is gathering all of what we are as a person and shoving it down a crowded machine to produce efficient workers for firms. I’m sounding like Mr. Conspiracy here, but I think I’m making a pretty valid point. Schools are like assembly lines, and those whose talents aren’t in the right place are branded as defective and given low grades. And those low grades make people feel less able than they really are. And as world famous theoretical physicist and overall badass Albert Einstein once said, “If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, then there is something wrong with the grading system in our schools”.
Schools are institutions of learning, not institutions for learning how to be someone you’re not and being punished by society for trying to be the person you really are. All that can be taught to students should be given their fair amounts of recognition at the very least. You can’t brand someone a failure if he can’t understand calculus but can paint like van Gogh. Only then will schools become a real center of learning and, more importantly, development.
Also, if the system were revamped in this manner, people would have an easier time finding and accepting what they want to do with their lives. By not funneling all the students into science and math subjects to try and force some sort of fondness and inclination to the subjects and their workings, students will gain the freedom to be who they want to be.
Lastly, I know doing this might unstabilize the balance of everything, since less workers in crummy cubicles and more free thinkers and day seizing all around would mean the world would be drastically changed and stuff. But hell, it’s worth it. The more people there are happy about their lives, the better. Something like this happening though seems very unlikely.
One final point to make, but I think it’s an important one. Our goal in life is to live it. Schools don’t teach us how to do that. Go Neil Gaiman quote I am very fond of, go!
“I’ve been making a list of the things they don’t teach you at school. They don’t teach you how to love somebody. They don’t teach you how to be famous. They don’t teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don’t teach you how to walk away from someone you don’t love any longer. They don’t teach you how to know what’s going on in someone else’s mind. They don’t teach you what to say to someone who’s dying. They don’t teach you anything worth knowing.”
Hello spherical bear, I’m back. I wrote this for a Chem 16 bonus. Sir Hero (yeah) told us to write a short essay about anything. Anything. So I just started typing and I ended up with this. It’s a post about Regina Spektor and it’s a post in tribute of how awesome and badass of a songwriter she is. I would definitely give her a crutch if she were a crippled crab.
Here is the essay:
I was listening to Regina Spektor a while ago (since I like surfing around my music library and unearthing great songs on the verge of being forgotten) and I came to wonder what her songs really mean. If you haven’t heard her songs, then do so because she’s really good. I had two songs in my head while I was on my way home earlier today: ‘Us’ and ‘Hero’. Haha, yeah one of her songs is called Hero. I’ll stop using quotations with the song names since they look weird. The happy one is Us and the sad one is Hero. You should probably listen to them first (if you haven’t yet) before continuing.
So, it turns out that these two seemingly generic love songs are actually profound life related songs disguised as ninja awesome songs disguised as generic love songs.
On the surface, Us looks and sounds like an ordinary happy love song about how awesome the relationship they had was. After a while though, when you try and analyze the lyrics with that love song viewpoint, there are lines which make no sense at all.
Most people try and reason it out as love being incomprehensible and hard to define or understand or put into words without sounding like a total lunatic, but really, as you dig deep into the lyrics, it’s actually about growing up and what’s up with it and what’s wrong with it and how the troubles keep repeating every generation, as if we never learned anything. I’m not going to explain it in length (since there’s the internet for that), but when you look at it from this perspective, every line of the song fits with that meaning. In summary, Regina Spektor is one badass songwriter.
Now for the second song, Hero, she just sounds like she’s sad that she got her heart broken (and it sure seems that way, since the song is so damn sad). It turns out that it’s actually about life; a dreamer’s life to be exact. One who thinks he’s the main character of an extravagant story and the driving force of some sort of grand scheme. And then as he grows older and sees and lives more of life, he realizes that life isn’t really all that. Pretty heavy, this song. I’ve only deciphered these two out of all of her songs, so who knows what she’s been trying to tell us with all the others?
So that’s it. Oh btw, these two songs are part of the soundtrack of the movie 500 Days of Summer, and the songs’ roles in the movie also helped me figure out what the songs actually meant, so that means this movie is worth the watch if you like thinking less about love itself and more about how life really is when it comes to love.
Hooray, okay now for the probsets and post labs.
I found this post sometime last year. Got it from Jeru, as I remember. I figured I’d post a link here on my blog, since it’s a topic I would really write a post about right now. I won’t though, for a few reasons:
1.) I’m apparently too caught up in not doing anything but being all caught up with stuff I shouldn’t really be doing.
2.) My fingers are too depressed to type right now.
3.) The blog post I’ll link in a while pretty much sums it all up for me. Way better than I could have explained it.
So, okay, right… this is how I feel right now (perfectly explained by someone else).
The blog is called Hyperbole and a Half, and the blogger’s drawings are chock full of lol. Also, I can relate to a lot of her posts. You probably would too. Okay, back to rolling around doing nothing. In the deep.
I try not to post stuff like this, but this is a sad post. Still with a touch of humor like all my other posts, but this is just me getting things off my mind.
For once in this blog’s whole life, I came up with the post title first before anything else in this post. That’s just ’cause it’s the one word that’s been hogging all the nice seats in my head for about a few hours now. With no one else to talk to about this, I’ll give a chat to spherical bear up there. Hiya spherical bear, I hope you’re doing fine.
You know how people are sometimes asked to describe their lives in one word? How one word is somehow supposed to sum up all that’s up with their lives right now? Do you know what I’m trying to build up to?
You guessed right, I would describe my life, my whole life at the moment, with that word up there in bold. That sad, sad word up there, for which I shed a tear for in solemn silence.
I don’t know what to do with my life, in all its aspects. I don’t know what to do about my family. I don’t know why the hell I’m in IE. I don’t even know what my friends are thinking. In fact, I don’t really know what everyone is thinking most of the time; I’m so oblivious it’s not even funny. I don’t know what would motivate me to keep on putting any effort into my life, now that nothing seems to be stable at all.
When you feel like there’s nothing beneath your feet to support you, it just feels weird. And it’s not comfortable at all to feel weird all the time. What I just said sounds like common sense, yeah, but it still gets you wondering about what feeling weird all the time really feels like.
When, from all angles, the floor looks like it’s made up of a thin layer of eggshells, I won’t need what people normally need when they feel lost. I don’t need direction. Just support. Y’know, a helping hand.
So I won’t step off and fall through the eggshells and into chicken hell. God knows what happens in chicken hell. Where all the bad chicken we eat eternally suffer without respite.
I don’t really know what to write about. It’s been so long since I wrote anything down here and my mind is full of equal parts trivial randomness and philosophical mumbo jumbo that I don’t know where to start. Still, I promised myself that I would post something before the year ends. Time is something we never get back, after all.
These are three completely different short posts that came out of my head when I told it (politely) to get off its lazy ass and finally write something for this blog again.
I. in between the holidays
I’ve noticed that the days in between Christmas and New Year’s are actually a special time by themselves. How special this week is (and what kind of special it is) really depends the person.
For all of us who think that the year we just lived through was not lived well enough, it’s a sort of mourning period. It’s the time when we look back at all the things that happened this year and mentally slap ourselves right across the face for not doing as well as we thought we could back when the year was just starting.
For some lucky people though, it’s the time when you look back at all the memorable moments you’ve had this past year and smile at the fact that you’ve changed yourself (and your life) for the better. You look back and see that 2011 just made your life a tiny bit more complete.
In my case, it’s a little bit of both.
(well, a little bit of the happy stuff really, since it’s mostly the giant mental bitch slap)
II. last night…
I was writing some lines about me not writing for a month already and how I’m so out of mojo, but I stopped for a while cause I saw a flash of bright light reflected on my laptop monitor (my window is behind me when I surf the interwebz).
I looked out the window and I saw a fireworks display. What surprised me was that this happened a little past midnight on December 30. It was a full 24 hours ahead of the rest of the country, it was so near my house, and most of all, it was really, absolutely beautiful.
You see, in my opinion, most of what happens on New Year’s consists of a lot of smoke and a lot of noise. Even from high up on this mountain, aside from the random fuzzy flashes of light, all that’s out there is a thick, solid cloud of smoke and a whole lot of mashed up popping sounds. I don’t really like it.
Okay, now it was during that moment of looking out my window that I realized that whatever beauty I might spot in the clutter of explosions and lights and smoke later this night would most probably never compare to the lone display of brilliant fireworks that I saw that night. There was something peaceful and serene about that display that it felt like the most special of all the fireworks I’ll be seeing this New Year’s season.
So… what’s my point?
I think that happiness doesn’t stem from stuff like annual holidays and birthdays and other glorified events (where we’re supposed to be happy and are supposed to enjoy) but rather it comes from those quiet little moments when you think to yourself and realize that life is wonderful.
Okay, enough with the hippie crap already, happy holidays!
(Oh, and whoever was at that UP sem ender event called Friday Night Lights, well, I just remembered that the fireworks show there was incredible… like awesome, eyeball melting incredible, okay just a last thought)
III. a new hope (yeah)
(this part was written on a notepad around 24 hours ago, so I think I’ll drop it here for safekeeping)
Okay, now with the most recent philosophical thingo I have on my mind right now, I’m thinking of starting a tumblr.
I admire people like Patty and Dani who are in themselves, free. All that my heart and mind and soul is screaming for right now is a chance to be who I’m not. I want to go out of my comfort zone (which is mostly the stuff I don’t really like doing but since everyone else is doing fine doing those things then why the hell not) and actually do something worth more than your normal day at school or an all-nighter on the internet.
A tumblr would remind me of this and would hopefully feed my resolve some juicy strips of bacon every once in a while.
All this in the hope that one day I, and all the others suffering from the same troubles as me, will find the courage to not merely exist, but to live without restraints.
A New Year’s resolution is something you promise yourself you’d accomplish, right? Well, resolution, by it’s dictionary definition, can also be understood as determination; A firm determination to achieve a certain goal. Well, I think this random thought and this New Year’s tradition would fit perfectly well together.
…and Happy New Year!
(oh, and hi Patty and Dani!)
(lol, pati si Justin daw, hi Justin!)
This is just here to remind myself to write something today or else I won’t be able to write anything at all for the new year
SCREW WRITER’S BLOCK i have an EFFIN WRECKING BALL
made of RESOLVE